Contaminated

I just did a dance cover of Nicole Kirkland's choreography to Contaminated by Banks. I’m very thankful Nicole did this piece. It was tapping into our vulnerable and emotional side yet maintaining our strength. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak. It shows resilience and strength to keep fighting when all you want to do is give up. Dancing in heels does make me feel more strong and confident like I’m standing up tall. I love how she’s combined the two. Thank you Nicole for helping me express how I feel when words are too hard to say. It was challenging yet very fun using the sweater as a prop. Here’s the meaning behind Nicole's choreo:

"The sweater in this piece represents the ego. The negative part of my brain that is always trying to tell me what I’m doing wrong &/or what I should be doing instead of what I FEEL like doing. I can truly say this last year was the first year in my life where I truly learned how to control that inner negative voice. It was the first year where I could look at that voice and tell it to go🖕🏽itself. In the beginning the sweater/ego is heavy on me, I’m trapped in it; telling me who I should be. As the piece goes on I show more and more of who I am truly and expressing that. I am beautiful and talented and creative in my OWN way, even if others don’t agree. I can be free from this negative voice & live in my authenticity... we all can."

This definitely sums up how I feel as well. I felt contaminated.. tainted.. by my flaws, mistakes, and insecurities. Chasing perfection is not possible for anyone so realizing that fact is what will set us free to live in our own authenticity. I'm feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin. I'm learning to accept myself for who I am, yet striving to be a better version of myself at the same time.

Doing so is not always easy to overcome these bad habits or thoughts I've been accustomed to, but I can do it. We can do it. Our thoughts affect our actions. Our inner demons are always trying to fight us. So we must fight back by living out our purpose even if we are afraid. Because once you do it, you'll realize it wasn't as scary as you thought, and you'll become more brave to step out of your comfort zone to take risks or opportunities that align with your purpose.

What's more terrifying is being controlled by this constant state of fear and not truly living this gift of life God has blessed us with. That's how our demons get us. They want to trap us in a dark box and keep us from seeing the light in our God given purpose. Because with it, we are powerful beyond measure.

A lot of times, I question if there is any point to what I'm doing.. Will my efforts to achieve my dreams as an artist be a waste? Will anything become of it? Do I have enough time or resources to make this become a reality? I don't know what my future holds. All I know is that singing and dancing makes me incredibly happy, and I just want to keep doing more of it. Whether or not I see that day come to its fruition, it's ok because I'm already so thrilled that I'm even trying to make it a reality.

If I were to die today and look back on my life, I would be glad to say that I at least tried instead of thinking what could have happened. We'll never know until we try. These small humble beginnings make me appreciate the process of growth. It's painful but necessary, and it's taught me so much about myself. I can do anything I set my mind to. Just like George Addair said, "Everything you ever wanted is on the other side of fear." Lets show up and live beyond our fears. I'm rooting for us all :D

This ties together with how I feel about my progress in this dance cover as well. I never felt confident or good enough to pick up dancing seriously because I thought I'd make a fool of myself. However, my efforts have proven me very wrong and that I can do this. It took me about 2 weeks to learn the whole Contaminated choreo! On top of that, I also taught a different choreo to my best friend this past week, and we learned that in 3 days! That's insane!! I'm so mind blown I was able to do what I did!

I've mentioned before that it would take me about 2 months to learn an entire dance. So this progress is a record speed of improvement for me. I was nervous since I've never taught a choreo before, and I'm still shooketh I was able to do it! I'm able to focus a lot better to pick up the moves faster which is so cool! Honestly, I think quitting IG and FB has helped improve my focus on myself and craft dramatically. Social media shortens our attention span. But yeah, I'm extremely proud of myself :] I'm so overjoyed!

You can check out my dance cover here on my YouTube: https://youtu.be/TNgqk_sQPzw

I hope you enjoy this dance cover and that you're having a wonderful day :D Happy Early Lunar New Years by the way!! It's the year of the Rat. Esketit !!! xD

Choreographer: Nicole Kirkland

IG: @nicolekirkland

Original Choreo: https://youtu.be/rAcjrsQi1Es

Love,

Helen